A conversation about story

In class today, we created a character as a group, one of my favorite lessons ever. He's a young man, Mexican, and a drug dealer named Juan. This is where we began the conversation that I find relevant:

Me: What does he like to do?
Them: Dog fights! Drugs! He likes to drink!
Me: BORING. So far you guys have a Mexican drug dealer named Juan who drinks and goes to dog fights. Any other stereotypes of yourselves you'd like to include?
Them: He lives in Mexico!
Me: Oh come on. Think of something unexpected.
One Kid: He lives in Beverly Hills!
Another Kid: Nah, stupid, you don't see Mexicans living in Beverly Hills.
Me: That's why it's interesting. See? A story about a Mexican drug dealer living in Mexico and drinking doesn't make that much of a story, does it? You don't want a character who's exactly what you expect him to be. So I'm putting Beverly Hills. Now what does he want?
Them: To get rich! To be the biggest dealer! To get a Lexus!
Me: BORING. He can buy a Lexus. He's already rich. I want something specific he can get. What's something a rich drug dealer can't buy?
Them: LOVE!
One Kid: What if he has to hide that he's a drug dealer?
Me: Okay so he wants a girl he can't have if he's a drug dealer. A girl he can't buy.
One Kid: She's a cop!
Another Kid: She's the daughter of a rival drug dealer!
Third Kid: She can't be a cop AND the daughter of a rival drug dealer!
Me: Well that's an either/or situation, but ooooh. Imagine if she was a cop and the daughter of a rival drug dealer.
Them: She'd have to arrest her dad.
Me: Exactly.
Them: Let's make her a cop.
Me: So what are the actions he takes to get her?
Them: He buys her stuff! He takes her on dates! He gives up dealing!
One Kid: He kidnaps her!
Them: Ooooooooooh that's cool.
Me: Okay he kidnaps her. Now if he takes her on dates, what kind of story is this?
Them: a romance!
Me: What kind of romance?
Them: comedy!
Me: And if he gives up drug dealing, what kind of story is it?
Them: A boring story!
Me: And if he kidnaps her, what kind of story is it?
Them: Action!
Me: So which kind of story do you want it to be?

Thinking about Avatar

Saw Avatar. I am kind of amazed that this movie made so much money because I definitely doubted Cameron on this one. How does he do it? Did he sell his soul to the devil? It's not a bad movie by any means, but it's not really a great movie either. Yet here he is, raking in the dough just like he said he would. Astounding.

Okay now I'll say some things I thought about in the theater:

It's about time somebody finally made Piranha 3D. I'm not sure how we survived without it.

Okay the 3D is badass. Fully integrated.

Yep. Just like everybody said. Dances with Aliens.

This is starting to remind me of Star Wars: Episode One when they went on that underwater chase with the fish and the bigger fish and it was sort of like "Do we really need this long alien animal chase scene, or is it just showing off how cool our technology is?"

Why do aliens love apostrophes so much?

Why are none of the Na'vi fat? Surely at least one of them is kind of lazy. Maybe that's what we're not seeing. They're like a Logan's Run type society where they chase down fat people and eat them. Humans don't seem so bad now, do they?

I'm sorry I'm white. I didn't mean to be. I never meant to colonize anybody.

Would it have been so wrong to just let Sam Worthington be British instead of making him do that weird accent? Why in these movies do only Americans ever conquer space? Oh yeah. Manifest Destiny I guess. Damn us.

Giovanni Ribisi is the most adorable villain ever.

This is the least butch role Michelle Rodriguez has ever played.

I like that one main alien chick's voice.

I wish I had a giant bird I could fly to work.

Look at all these people. We look so cool, wearing sunglasses in the theater.

When you have a film in 3D please edit it down to under two hours. Prolonged exposure to 3D movies gives me a headache. Avatar gave me a headache. Anybody else get a headache?

No more nines

For some reason yesterday I became fascinating with trying to dissect why Nine bombed. It's budget is listed at $80 million according to Boxoffice Mojo, but so far it has made just over $8 million, and it's been pulled from several theaters. That's about as bomby as bombs get. So why? Here's my theory.

1) Timing. The film was up against Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, Invictus, The Princess and the Frog - there's a glut of movies just opened, even if you don't count holdovers like The Blind Side, Up in the Air and It's Complicated, all of which are still hanging on to solid box office number. This isn't a blockbuster film and it isn't a low budget film and its audience is very specific. Why on earth would you open it during one of the most competitive weeks of the year? Throw it our there it in a quieter time when people have less to choose from.

2) The title. Nine? Why did they change it? Did some survey somewhere suggest that whole numbers do better at the box office that fractions? The original title of this story was 8 1/2, which was at least original. Over the past few years we've seen films titled 9 and The Nines, and a failed TV show called The Nine. I've got 9 fatigue. STOP PUTTING NINE IN THE TITLE.

3) The trailer. Know who goes to the theater to see musicals? Gay men, women, and old people. And sometimes the people they drag along with them. Yet in the previews for this film, all I saw was half naked ladies - some of them not so young anymore - parading around in some kind of worship of Daniel Day Lewis. Now, of the aforementioned gay men, women and old people, who is that supposed to appeal to? Old men, maybe? Oh yeah, there's a lucrative fan base for you. Ahh, but Chicago had hot naked ladies dancing and singing, you might say. Yes, but those women were young and popular at the time, and it was also a film about a sort of woman's empowerment. They were women you kind of wanted to be and at the same time were a little disgusted by. They were interesting women. And the Cell Block Tango, which I often show to my students as an example of a clever way to reveal exposition, appeals greatly to men because of its sexiness and women because we all relate to their rage and annoyance at the things our men do. But Nine? I just saw scantily clad women singing and Daniel Day Lewis running around flailing his arms about. The first time I saw the preview was in the theater preparing to see The Road, and I honestly had no fucking clue as to what this movie was about other than some women singing and Daniel Day Lewis running around like a lunatic on stage.

4) Movies about making movies usually only appeal to people who make movies, and all those people were off watching Avatar.

5) At least Chicago had a charming male lead in Richard Gere. When's the last time Daniel Day Lewis was charming? Sure, we all thought he was uber hot in Last of the Mohicans, but that was before we all found out how weird he is. I think Bill the Butcher took care of all my residual desire to bone Daniel Day Lewis. He's an amazing actor, and he WAS There Will Be Blood, but this didn't seem like the right film for him. I heard him on NPR admit he can't really dance or sing. He can't dance or sing, but they put him in a musical? You mean there wasn't a single known actor in all the English speaking world who could dance and sing and was available to make this film? I think when you make a musical where your lead has to dance and sing, dancing and singing ability should probably be somewhere on your list of casting requirements.

And that is why I think Nine bombed.

Obligatory year-end post

2009 was a good year. The Beefcake and I bought a super awesome house and moved into it. I got Not Dead Yet out there, and it was enough to get me noticed by a few people here and there who want to read my next script. I didn't finish my next script yet, but I got the first two drafts done and got some good feedback. I rewrote the entire thing yesterday in three hours. Now I just need to find an ending.

I kept my job. I didn't kill any children.

This year I have plans. Finish the current script and see where it takes me. And after I finish working on this script, I'll start the next project, as soon as I decide which idea I want to run with.

I want to premiere Game Night and toss it to a couple of festivals, although I admit I've lost some enthusiasm I used to have since it's been so long since I started. This experience has taught me that I don't want to be a director, and although I officially have a "production company" I'm not sure I want to do anything else with it. But we'll see. Maybe making the festival rounds will reignite my interest.

I want to read more this year. Not just screenplays and nonfiction books, but more fiction. I didn't read nearly enough fiction this year. When I was a kid I used to devour literature like The Cookie Monster, but now I just sit and watch tv with my computer.

Speaking of computer, I need to break my addiction. I check my email every thirty seconds. Literally. I feel tethered to the thing and when I'm away from it I have withdrawal symptoms. But this past week I had to go without it and I survived, so from now on the computer stays in the office, not out on the couch next to me, and I will only check my email a couple of times a day.

I will paint the bathroom and unpack the rest of my boxes. And when everything is finally in its place, I will keep it there. This house will not become the cluttery disaster my apartment was. Everything has a place, and that place is clean. I don't want to feel like apologizing when people come to my house.

I will work out more. I used to work out a lot, then I had to get rid of Trainer because I was saving money for a house, but now I have a house with a pretty sweet gym and three Wii exercise games and all the equipment a girl could want except a dip assist and a heavy bag, so there's no excuse. I've let myself go in 2009. 2010 I will be a big buff machine like I was before.

Every year I swear this is the one where I find representation. Fuck it. This year I'm just going to write and send it out and see what happens.

I Survived

I saw Sherlock Holmes the other day. That movie is fun as hell. Just oodles of fun. Best work Guy Ritchie's done in a long time. I kept thinking Rachel McAdams was Penelope Anne Miller through the movie and wondered why she looked so young.

Anyway, I also saw this new show on the Biography channel called I Survived. Talk about story telling. Each episode, two or three people sit in front of a black background in close-up and tell a story. The story is intercut with still photos that are related to what they're telling, so the whole show is just these people telling a story and photos not of them or the story, but of other things. For instance, the pregnant lady who was attacked by a crazy baby stealer was intercut with pictures of dolls and an obvious baby's nursery.

Sounds simple, maybe even boring. But man, it really isn't.

I'm not sure how much coaching the producers do on the people who tell these stories, but they are engaging as hell. They've got ups and downs - almost all of them almost get away and then get dragged back in.

It's also a testament to our expectations of story. One woman was attacked in her house by a guy in a ninja suit with a meat cleaver who had been hiding in her attic for two days. She was wearing a towel. SPOILER WARNING FOR THAT EPISODE. The whole story you kept worrying he was going to rape her but rape seemed so obvious a storyline that we didn't actually think he would. Then he did. And she said it, just like that: "He raped me," angry as hell at the guy who did it. It wasn't fear in her eyes, it was rage. Turns out that since the event - during which she was also knifed and hammered in the head - she has become a victims counselor with the DA's office.

There was another episode where two guys were lost at sea. On the fourth or fifth day a boat almost ran them down but didn't even see them, so as they were touching the side of the boat trying to figure out how to get on board, it just passed them by.

A lot of these stories sound too insane to be true. They were all thrillers or horrors, and any one of them could make a great movie. And all it is is people just sitting in a room, talking about what happened. Amazing.

Back to the script

Computer is saved. Computer Guy turned out to be pretty cool and in the process gave me an education. I was getting too cocky about my computer knowledge because on a daily basis I'm surrounded by people who know far less than I do, but now I have been schooled.

Apparently after all that ranting about the evil virus creators, it wasn't a virus after all. It was merely a coincidence that I opened my friend's email the exact moment a gig of RAM exploded. I just needed a new gig of RAM, but that does not change my beliefs that virus creators need to be gorilla raped.

So after months of working on the house and putting my priorities in domestic life, tomorrow I will spend the whole day revising my script. I have painting to do, and window treatments, and more unpacking because there is no end to the unpacking, but I say Fuck All That. I'm taking a day off from life so I can immerse myself in story. And hopefully work out because I got two new workout Wii games for Christmas and I'd very much like to use them but I've been too busy stressing over computer problems and curtains. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow I exercise, eat, and write. That's all.

My computer is fucked

I am taking my laptop to a guy today to see if he can fix the damage and maybe save My Documents folder. It's so far gone it wouldn't even reload Windows, so it's time to fork over some cash to a professional.

It would be super awesome if someone could make a computer with the superior operating system of a PC and the superior virus protection of a Mac. Hear me, computer people? Can you get on that? I know, I know, some of you guys will be all "Get a Mac" but I cannot stand them. End of debate for me. Instead I'd love it if someone just made my PC more virus resistant. Is that one of those things they put in Windows 7?

Hopefully I will be able to resume posting and writing tomorrow.